Where have my workouts gone???

Hey Everyone!!! Happy New Year!!!!

I know its been a while since I’ve blogged but with the new year I’m determined to get back at it.  Time has just been slipping away especially thru the holiday season.  I’ve wanted to talk about this for months but since its such a private matter I wasn’t sure how or when. But, I’ve decided if I was going thru it then there probably is someone else out there who maybe can benefit from me sharing my story.

So you may be wondering why I haven’t been posting workouts lately OR why I keep starting a new workout then suddenly there are crickets! First, I’m NOT pregnant! HAHA! I’m sure there are a few people who thought maybe, but that time has passed. When I delivered Payton in April I had a tubal ligation as we knew our family was complete with three children.  Yes, I realize its not 100% but we will leave that tiny risk in God’s hands.

If you’re a mom or know someone who’s had a baby you know it can take a while for your periods to return after having a baby.  Well mine took about 15 weeks which is considered long especially since I wasn’t breastfeeding.  Lets just say my body had a way of making up for the time.  I’ve been plagued with extreme pain, heavy periods, extreme fatigue and moodiness.  It’s to the point of running to the bathroom, changing clothes many times a day, not being able to exercise and sometimes not wanting to leave the house for fear of a mess.  I know it’s not pretty but it’s real.  I have to say I never understood it until I was experiencing it. The fatigue I kept telling myself was from being a working mom with three kids.  While most nights everyones sleeps there is an occasional lack of sleep, maybe it was just catching up with me.

As you know I was diagnosed with postpartum depression this summer. I was prescribed one antidepressant but soon after starting I started experiencing ringing in my ears.  Its been happening every day since JULY. I mostly am able to tune it out probably mostly because I have three kids around me 24/7 and let me tell you there are the farthest thing from quite. LOL! Anyway, I’ve seen an ENT, Ear specialist, had hearing tests, switched antidepressants (which helped my mood immensely) all to no avail.  All the while I was so focused on my ears I was truly ignoring my period.  I kept telling myself just wait one more month it will get better.  Instead it got worse.

The turning point was in December. I was supposed to go to my teams Winter Summit in Vegas and had to back out last minute for several reasons including my health and my kids being sick.  Theres others too but that’s for another time.  Anyway, since I wasn’t going to Vegas I finally set up an appointment at my gynecologist.  At this point I was having pain, nausea to the point I could barely eat and extremely heavy bleeding. I had completely prepared myself for them to tell me, “this is normal”, “it will fix itself”, “take this and it will improve”.  I honestly thought maybe I was just overreacting.

So, at my appointment I talked with my WONDERFUL doctor, she decided we would do a biopsy of my uterus and an exam.  Upon exam she found my uterus to be about twice the normal size. GREAT, I’m not crazy and there is something going on.  She had me do some blood work as well as a pelvic ultrasound.  You can probably guess the first thing I did when i left the office. YUP, I’m a pharmacist and I know better BUT, I hopped on my phone and googled causes of an enlarged uterus.  I’ll save you from your searching, there are many causes. Most are harmless and the worse of course is cancer.  I was terrified.

I’m not sure if its because my father passed of cancer or what but for some reason I always jump to the worse case scenario.  Lets just say it wasn’t pretty.  I was sad and upset about not being able to attend my winter summit which was a HUGE business goal of mine, then I was convinced at 34, a mom of 3 I had cancer.  You may be thinking I was being dramatic and looking back I probably was BUT I’m putting it out there how I was feeling.

I completed my bloodwork- NORMAL
I completed my ultrasound-NORMAL
I completed my biopsy- NORMAL

While I was completely ecstatic it was nothing serious I was still perplexed why I was experiencing this.  At my follow up on December 23, my doctor explained to my that likely after having three very large babies my uterus just isn’t going back to normal size, and there were options for “fixing my period”.  Since I had a tubal ligation we knew that I wasn’t planning to expand my family anymore.  So I could go back on birth control, have an implant such as Mirena, or I could have a ablation.

Most people probably would have picked birth control and moved along with their lives. I however haven’t taken birth control since after I had Lincoln.  I’ll be honest I didn’t like how I felt on it and I promised myself I wasn’t going to take it again.  The implant freaks me out a bit and it will only last about 5 years.  For some reason the idea of having something semi-permanent in my uterus isn’t for me.  So I decided to go with the ablation.  I did my research, read the brochure and thought I could be the poster child for this procedure.  I fit the bill for all the symptoms and situations in the brochure.  It seemed meant to be.

Who knew, a period could cause so many things!  So I told my doctor that this is what path I wanted to choose.  What I didn’t know is that I’d need to go to the hospital, be put under anesthesia, have  a D/C then this procedure. BUT, it all takes plan in 5 minutes (WHAT!??!)

I was worried about the anesthesia part, but that was honestly SO EASY!  I was at the hospital for a total of 4.5 hours, 2 hours pre-op, 30 minutes in surgery then 2 hours in recovery.  It was a breeze.  Aside from some post anesthesia fatigue, I feel GREAT!!! I am getting my energy back.  I managed to clean the entire house while at home with all three kids just 2 days after my surgery.  Now as far as the bleeding goes, only time will tell. It’s not a guarantee as the can’t determine the exact cause of bleeding without a hysterectomy but I haven’t had any yet and I’m 4 days post-op.

So that’s whats been going on. It’s killing me I couldn’t work out. As many of you know that’s my “me” time, my stress release, my outlet.  I think I’ll have a whole new appreciation for it after the past several months.  Ive had to start and stop programs too many times.  I can’t wait to get back into it.  Here’s hoping this is the fix and I have many “pad free” workout days ahead of me!!!

Thanks for reading and ladies don’t be afraid to speak up.  I was talking with one of my fellow coaches who also experienced something similar and also didn’t speak up.  It’s your body and no one deserves to fell this way. There are many options for help and I highly recommend talking with you doctor!  Post below and let me know what you think!

Self sabotoge

 

While away on vacation last week I came across a video from a fellow Beachbody coach and source of countless amounts of inspirational videos, Scottie Hobbs.  He was talking about how each and every time he reaches his “goal” he finds a way to sabotage the success so he is continuously working towards the same goal. He discussed that we are letting fear hold us back and keep us from pushing to our next goals.

It was like he filmed that video talking specifically to me.  Be it with getting back into shape, cleaning the house or something as simple as getting up in the morning I seem to be taking two steps backwards each time I hit a “goal.” I never get to move onto my next goal.  While I’ve been successful at loosing baby weight in the past there have been countless times I celebrated losing X pounds by devouring a LARGE Sonic Blast because clearly just a little treat wasn’t enough.  Or splitting a large pizza with my husband and eating the whole thing in one sitting.

So Scottie has me thinking and wondering why am I doing this.  Is it maybe because I’m not setting goals big enough for myself?  Maybe I put too much pressure on the final goal and I’m not celebrating the tiny successes along the way.  Maybe its because I lack confidence in myself to believe I deserve to have success.

I know one thing, I’m not lazy and secondly I know how to achieve the goals I want.  So why, when I’m supposed to be my own biggest fan, am I not allowing myself to achieve and celebrate success?

For those of you that don’t know me, this is me:

1. I am a mom to three beautiful children
2. I have been happily married to my husband for 7 years
3. I am a successful Pharmacist
4. My mom is my best friend whom I talk to multiple times a day
5. I’m a runner who’s run 2 half marathons
6. I love to help people which is why I joined Beachbody
7. I’m an Emerald Beachbody Coach
8. I get burned sometimes in life because I care “too much”
9. I successfully lost over 100lbs after my second pregnancy

There is so much more to me but I think often we get too focused on what we aren’t doing, haven’t achieved etc that we forget to focus on the positive.  I dream of a day when I don’t have to leave my kids and go to work.  Where I don’t have to miss all the important milestones with Payton that I feel like I missed with the boys.  I worked very hard for my college degree but sometimes lack the passion for the current profession.  I feel that I was made for more and feel like when I’m working on my stuff for Beachbody and helping people.  From this day forward my goal is to focus on the little successes because I know I can do anything I put my heart into!

During Scottie’s video he was discussing a book he is reading called The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks.  Its a book about conquering your fears, overcoming that barrier and finding success. It’s not just about financial success but happiness and fulfillment in life.  I ordered myself and my two fellow coaches a copy. The book came yesterday while I was at work. I CANNOT wait to start reading it.  Stay tuned for my review and comments once I finish.

Fitness journey to share

Hey everyone!! I’ve decided to start a blog.  After months of considering it, going back and forth and a lengthy conversation with Katelyn today I decided to jump right in and go for it!! Often times I find myself posting to Instagram or Facebook and not fully expressing my self.  My hope is to share with you my journey, the ups and downs, the pretty and the ugly but nothing but the honest truth.  Lets face it, life isn’t always beautiful, though we all wish it would be.  I’m hoping you’ll follow me as I share my journey and maybe even join me too!